Exhaustion

Wow.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired.  I walk about in zombie mode and am totally missing obvious cues from my kids.

The good news: my lil sister had her first baby last night at 9:59pm.  A beautiful 5lb, 11oz, 18 1/2 inch little girl.  Unfortunately, she was sideways & nestled under mommas ribs, and her labor started by her water breaking, so they weren’t able to turn her (her midwives had already exhausted 3/4 of the options for turning babies in the week(s) before) and she had to have a c/s.  I’m so sad for her.  😦  My first two were c/s, so I completely understand, and she had planned to have this lil goober at the birthcenter I delivered Spencer at.  I hope she heals easily from it.

Thanks to my  car seat hating (almost) 6 month old, the 1 1/2 hour trip down took about 2 – 2 1/2 hours.  It was a nightmare.  I pulled over at least 6 times, sometimes short stops, once for 20 minutes.  The trip back was like the 7th circle of Hell.  I left before 11:30pm (because he wouldn’t stop screaming and go to sleep in the sling like a reasonable child, lol) and finally arrived home at 2:45am.  He woke up every 15 minutes.  I had to remove him from his seat, nurse him to sleep (while he layed — laid? on my lap — not cradled in my arms), put him in his seat, nurse him back to sleep for another 5 minutes, then slide over to the driver’s seat & drive until he inevitably woke up again.  I cried with him.  I was so desperate to just get home that I begged him to sleep so I could drive.  I even, in a dark corner of my mind, considered holding him and driving.  Of course, I didn’t.  If anything ever happened I couldn’t live with myself; but I was desperate enough to consider it.

Lest you think my baby is a true demon spawn, I’ll admit to some contributing factors.  The poor guy is getting/has his first ever cold.  I’m assuming it’s the same one Aiden & I have, so I’m guessing he’s feeling achy, tired, restless & has slightly swollen glands & a runny nose.  Anyone who’s had a baby knows how they respond the first time they get sick.  So sad.  The other big thing is that I didn’t really eat from 2pm til 9:30 — and then it was just a little hospital sandwich.   I had planned to stop for some fast food on my way home as soon as Spence fell asleep, but by the time that happened I was past any town big enough to have a 24 hour place.  I almost cried driving past all those closed down restaurants.  In retrospect I could have stopped at a gas station & taken him out of his seat & in with me, but he always seemed to be asleep when we drove past them and I wasn’t going to screw that up!  I managed to choke down a couple dry pretzel rods and get a few drinks of water out of some almost empty water bottles sitting in the truck.  Anyhow, I’m sure that didn’t help my milk supply.

Now they’re screaming in the living room.  The boys are fighting over everything, and Spencer has been fussy all day.  Did I mention he bites when he’s frustrated?  And that he has one tooth that has cleared the gum line?  OH. MY.  I do believe I damaged my friend’s eardrum with my scream.  WOW.

Okay, enough whining.  The children keep fussing for food…I swear all they do is eat.  As if I should be allowed around a stove or sharp knives today…  ugh.  I think the boiled eggs are done.  Hopefully Ian won’t cry for five minutes because they’re white instead of the usual brown (the way he did when I accidentally peeled the last one of the old batch instead of letting him do it).   I love my children.  (lol) 😉

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Knitterpalooza 2007

Here are the details. It’s about an hour and a half drive for me, but I wouldn’t miss it! I’ve never been to Threadbear, but I can’t count the wonderful things I’ve heard about it. I absolutely loved Rae’s Yarn Boutique when I visited a couple times (what’s not to love about a place that carries Socks That Rock?!). There will be a bbq afterwards at a private home in the area (Kris’s, I think?).

🙂

Anywho, that’s the scoop! Perhaps I’ll get off my tush & figure out how to put the button in my sidebar!

People give you pretty strange looks

when you take pictures of your feet at baseball games.

But how can I resist when I’ve finally finished my first pair of socks for ME. And I do mean *just* finished. As in, I have to finish these NOW, because it’s cold out and I have no other socks to walk home in & my little tootsies are freezing! Luckily, Spencer wanted to do lots of this:

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(which has been heavily edited for the squeamish) then went to sleep, which gave me a view of the game that looked something like this:

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So I had no problem finishing up the last 20 rows & grafting the toe. And now, I have these:

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Overall, everyone had lots of fun! First Spencer got to play with the camera:

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Then the boys tortured Grandma:

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And Tim tortured the boys:

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Then Spencer finished his nap & donned his mama-made-only-going-to-wear-twice Noro Sweater & looked entirely too cute. He even smiled for a fairly decent picture with Mama:

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After the game (who are we kidding — after 1/2 the game) we walked home (an hour and a half past the boys’ bedtime) and Aiden fell asleep riding on Tim’s shoulders, Ian pointed out stars the whole way, and Spencer tried out the lil thug look with his hat:

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His midwives made that hat & it’s gone from precious and sweet, to cooooool. lol

I have to say, that after my post the other day, I felt as if a bit of the load had been lifted. You really do need to just “get it all out” occasionally. 🙂 Next up, 8 random things about me; I’ve been tagged by ThisFinngarianMama!

The moodswings of a SAHM of 3

Some days. Some DAYS. SOMEDAYS I WANT TO SCREAM.

And shout and beat my fists against the wall. I want to run. Literally. I used to run; in high (and middle) school. It was the most beautiful thing ever. Not me running (lol), but the feeling. It was pure therapy. The relaxing feel of the wind; seeing new things pass by; hills, curves, corners. The rush of catching another runner. Pacing, closing in, and pulling ahead.

I need that. Especially at times like this. My 4 year old has learned the fine art of nagging, my 2 year old is, well, what everyone expects a 2 year old to be. Temper driven, grumpy, independent at all the wrong times, bullheaded, whiny… and completely sweet, bewitching & snuggly just when you’re about to check yourself into the nearest mental hospital.

And then there’s the baby. 5 1/2 months old, and learning to do his first sign (nurse/milk), within days of crawling, having a growth spurt, getting ready to start solids, and beyond that, the dark possibility of him having complications from his kidney reflux. Or from the medication he’s on for a year. So now he is waking up every 20 minutes to hour until I go in and just stay in there. And he doesn’t go to sleep until after 10 at night — even when he skips his evening nap. I have no time.

No.

Time.

I could go into all the pathetic bits of time I do get; like his 1/2 hour naps — eat, shower, clean, take a computer/knitting break, pay attention to the other two so they’ll stop fighting? Pick one; two if you’re feeling positive.

And I’ve tried the mother’s helper; and she does help. She makes the boys happy, so I don’t have to feel like such a terrible person for ignoring them while laying with the baby so he’ll sleep for longer than 1/2 hour for a nap. It was too much for me to dream that she (or someone else) could keep all 3 of them busy — I can’t even do that for long. And he’s prematurely entered the stranger/anybody-but-mommy anxiety phase. Fantastic.

I know the first year or so is hard, I do. And I know I go a bit crazy during it — I did with the other two, too. Especially Ian — he woke up every 5-15 minutes without me, until he would finally go 2 hours or so. Until 9 months when he suddenly went 3 hours, then another 3, etc.

Ugh. I just needed to get that out.  If you are a SAHM, you understand. It makes you a little crazy. You live in an emotional state all the time. You’re taking care of your very heart’s blood. Your babies. Detachment is a joke. These are your children. Your children. This isn’t an experiment where you can try out things to see if they work flippantly, with an “oh well,” if it goes wrong.

That paralyzes me. The chance of doing something wrong. Half the time I do get a 1/2 hour break, I waste it wandering around trying to figure out what I should be spending my time doing. Which thing is most important. And then, with one irritated squeal, my time is over. And I’m angry. Then I often compound it by chastising the boys because it’s their fault the baby woke up. How’s that for inspiration for the mother of the year award?

And there’s the baby. At least I did something with my time, this time. And maybe I feel a little bit better.

Kids pics

It has been brought to my attention (by my dear, dear husband with the old, un-updated for months blog) that my “knitting mommy’s tale” is a bit heavy on the knitting & light on the “mommy.”  So here are some pics of my little angels (and let it be said that these are about the only pics I can access since the others are on dh’s computer, and he hasn’t mapped a drive for me to get to them, and the REST of them are on the non-working computer, but I digress).

Aiden & Spencer; Aiden loves to “love” on his baby brother…

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Aiden helping Grandma wash dishes — I have a similar pic of Ian around somewhere; too cute.  She bought the pants…I’m seeing a trend here… lol

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Ian & Aiden got to have their first taste of hitting balls with a bat; I think Ian actually hit this one — by the time they finished he was probably getting 1 in 3!

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And my sweet baby boy on a quilt outside with me.  🙂

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